Last Thoughts
by Someone Else Took My Name
Summary: A quick one-shot that details Commander Shepard's last living thoughts as he is spaced from the Normandy SR-1. Some Shepard/Ashley. Enjoy.


Shepard looked at the young woman standing before him. Pain, both emotional and physical tore him apart as she balked at him, refusing to leave. She was fully armored, yet still looked so fragile as he looked through her visor and into the trembling face beneath it.

_Dammit Ash, you always make things so difficult!_ He thought as a moment of pregnant silence passed him by.

"Ashley. Go. Now." He tore his eyes away, knowing full well that if he kept them on her much longer, he would burst into tears. A trait that was not supposed to befall heroic commanders such as he.

Ashley let a single tear slide down her face, carving a thin rill as it went. Her eyes stung and blurred, but she kept her voice steady. The commander wouldn't leave her, no, not like this.

"Aye aye, Commander." She snapped off, not letting her response wander. She was on the verge of an emotional breakdown, something the Commander could do without. She sprinted away, signalling her crew members into pods as she went.

Shepard was terrified and thrilled at the same time. Emotions warred in his subconscious as he ran for the door. He was afraid, not of death, but of abandoning his friends, his soldiers... His lover. Tears stung away at his eyes, something he hadn't known possible until now. His limbs no longer seemed to be his as he ran, knowing full well that this could be the last time he could do such a thing.

He opened the door, completely unprepared for the rush of vacuum as the air slammed away from the room. He felt the momentary sensation of weightlessness as the gravity bled to nothing. Still, he couldn't die just yet. He had a responsibility, not only to Joker, but also to his whole damn crew. He engaged his magnetic boots and slowed his pace.

Looking over the ruined husk of the Normandy, Shepard felt more emotions welling up. Another stream of tears coursed down his eyes, knowing full well that this was the first time he remembered such an event. Remorse and anger strove for dominance as he walked past the ruined hull. He walked on, glancing from side to side as he made his way to Joker's cockpit. He entered the glowing blue barrier and sprinted to Joker's side.

"Come on Joker! We have to get out of here!" He shouted the words, but didn't believe them. A deadly premonition told Shepard that he would be going down with the ship.

"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!" Joker screamed back, letting anger well up as he tried to shake Shepard's flustered stare.

Shepard considered his response for a moment, and let his composure reassemble, if only for a moment.

"The Normandy's lost, going down with the ship won't change that." He said, trying his best to project the Heroic Legend voice that had pulled him through the whole mess with Saren. A burst of pride welled up in Shepard's heart. Joker was a hero just like him, but this was his show. Shepard wouldn't let Joker die with him.

Joker's eyes became small and regretful. Despite it, he agreed with Shepard.

"Yeah, okay. Help me up." He said before Shepard grabbed his arm. The unknown ship charged it's particle beam and fired again. The beam slammed into the Normandy, hard. It ripped apart the ship, bringing everything Shepard had lived and nearly died for apart.

Bringing every bit of force he had, Shepard grabbed Jokers arm and pulled. He felt his arm snap in two, but for once, he just didn't care. In fact, he was angry. He shoved Joker up from his seat and took his arm. To the outside, it might seem like Shepard was helping Joker, but in reality, it was him and him alone who carried the pilot.

Shepard remembered every sarcastic comment, every stupid thing he said, every egotistical little quip, and shoved him into the pod. Remorse was gone, fear was gone. Instead, he felt the glowing red heat of anger as the next blast knocked him away from the pod.

_Joker you stupid bastard! We could have avoided all this if you had just swallowed your fucking pride! I hate you, you stupid asshole!_

This thought and a thousand more pulsed through his mind in one brilliant red wave of hatred. He slammed the button down.

"Commander!" Joker screamed, his voice chilling and blood-curdling. Remorse and fear ripped him to pieces as he saw Shepard essentially sacrifice himself.

_Why me? There were a thousand other people you could have saved... Why me?_ Joker thought as a final explosion knocked Shepard into space.

Pain flooded Shepard's nervous system as his suit breached. He felt not only the oxygen draining, but he also felt massive pain. It was as if someone had taken nitrogen sickness and amped it a thousand times. He could _feel_ all the blood in his body turning to gas, he could _feel_ his innards being ripped to shreds.

His life passed him by in one brilliant flash. His tough, almost horrific childhood on earth. His months of therapy after barely surviving a horrific incident that left him the sole survivor. He remembered taking part in a gang-rape after during a dark sect of his career. He remembered Garrus, the lovable and though sniper. He remembered Tali, the alcohol-friendly Quarian who seemed so fragile, yet also seemed irredeemably tough. He remembered Liara and her own endless pursuit of knowledge.

Most of all, he remembered his lover. Emotions faded into gray, the light lifted away as his eyes exploded from the deep space vacuum. Everything went dark.

As his last moments preceded him, he thought.

_I love you, Ash._

Then, there was nothing. Complete and total nothing.

* * *

**A/N**

**My first attempt at a one-shot! What did you think? As a developing author, I need your opinion. Thanks.**

**Yours Truly,**

**[ENTER NAME HERE]**


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